Getting What You Want in Life

In life we've all experienced not getting what we want. We also do get what we want, on occasion, but it seems to work the other way around more often.  It's probably because we all seem to want so many things. There's always a better job, material thing, situation, or person that we get our heart set on.  If one of those works out, great.  But that still means there are three other things we wanted that we didn't get.  But it's not all bad. Sometimes not getting what you want is a really good thing.  Although it doesn't seem like it at the time, you may very well have dodged a bullet.  I'll give you an example from my life.

Related: Getting What You Want Out of LinkedIn

After I got divorced I sold my house and was looking to buy another in a neighborhood close to my grandmother.  My son was in elementary school and she offered to watch him after school each day until I got home from work.  I found the perfect house a couple of streets over.  I loved this house.  It was beautiful, exactly the right size, in a great location and even had a bathroom connected to what would be my son's room, which was something he specifically requested.  My offer was accepted and we went into escrow.  A week later, the house I had sold fell out of escrow.  My buyers were not pre-approved for their loan as they had claimed.  So I had to stop escrow on the house I wanted so badly. And someone else bought it.  I was so disappointed.  At that point in my life, I wanted nothing more than to give my son stability and security.  I had even already planned where the Christmas tree would go.  But not long after, I realized there had been something better waiting for me.


Two months later, with the house I was selling in escrow with verified pre-approved buyers, I started looking for a house again.  The first house I looked at had just come on the market and I was the buyer to see it.  It was directly across the street from my grandmother.  The interior was stunning, with gorgeous upgrades, and the backyard was positioned so no neighboring house could see into it.  It was better than the first house, closer to my grandmother, and less expensive.  I happily bought it and moved us in a month later.  We still live there, now.  Now, it worked out, but there's more to the story. It actually worked out way better than I could have imagined, but it took about a year for me to really see it.  And this was definitely a case of dodging a bullet.

Related: Networking and Online Dating: Get What You Want

During the time I found the first house, the one I lost, I met and became friends with a couple who had recently moved into the area from out of state.  They were looking for a house and I recommended my realtor.  She took them to see a house two doors down from the one I lost.  And they bought it.  Over the next year or so, as I got to know them better, I met some of their other friends.  Most were very nice people.  There were a few that were not.  One in particular, that I didn't want around my son, began staying with them.  The husband and this friend would drink heavily and run around the neighborhood late at night, like teenagers. They even came to my house late one night pounding on my door.  I can only imagine how much worse it would have been if I lived almost next door.  I wouldn't have felt safe with my son walking home there or playing outside.  So even though that house had seemed so perfect, it turns out it would have been a nightmare.

We're all going through something where we aren't getting what we want. Whether it's a goal we want to achieve, a relationship with a person we'd like to know better, or job we'd like to have, the hard part is not knowing how it will turn out. Whether we'll get it, or not.  All each of us can do is continue to try, continue to work toward what we want and have faith that things do work out for the best. Even when it doesn't seem like it at the time.  It will happen, and when it does, it will be exactly what you need. Even if it isn't what you originally wanted.

So You've Added Connections to Your Network, Now What?

Making new connections and building your network takes time and effort.  You have to attend networking events, present yourself well, and actually talk to people.  You've gone out and done the work.  You made eye contact, were a good listener, and met a lot of interesting people that are the newest members in your LinkedIn contacts.  Great.  So, now what do you do with them?  How do you put this network you've built to some use for you?  I've got good news and bad news.  The bad news is, while building your network takes effort, it doesn't stop there.  The good news is, that the effort you make in engaging your network is worth more than you can imagine.  But you have to know how to go about it.

Related:  Tips for Networking in Person

Without a network it's almost impossible to get anywhere in business, whether you own one or you're looking to work for one.  That's why we network.  The more people know and like you, the more willing they are to help you.  That's the purpose of your network, but it's also the purpose of the people who's networks you belong to.  It's not just about you.  They've included you as a contact because of the probability that you may be of benefit to them, at some point.  They're networking for the same reasons you are.  To help themselves get ahead.  


The point is to make other people want to help you as much as they want to help themselves.  The only way to do that, is to help them first.  When you're looking for opportunities for yourself, make sure you keep an eye out for how you can help someone else.  Make a habit of looking for opportunities for others in your network and contacting them to let them know.  Like anything, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.  

Related:  Using Your Network to Find a Job

Just for example, the other day I was meeting with a potential client to discuss a social media marketing plan.  During the conversation it was mentioned that they're also going to need someone to help them with more traditional marketing methods, like print and radio.  The first thing I thought of was a friend who owns a marketing company that could help them.  Although it wouldn't be business for me, I asked what their needs were so I could pass it along to my friend.  If I can help generate some business for him, he's likely to do the same for me.  And tell other people that I helped him, too.

If you want people to help you, which is the purpose of building your network, you have to help them first.  Actively look for opportunities for people you know, and refer them.  When you start helping others succeed, they'll start helping you.  And really, it's just the law of karma.  You get back what you put out.  

Tips for Networking in Person

Networking can be challenging regardless of whether it's online or in person.  Both methods have their own particular rules and etiquette that you have to keep track of.  The benefit of online networking is that it's more passive.  You don't have to leave the couch and actually go talk to other people.  It doesn't even require pants.  Since you can build your network, pants-less from the couch, why should you bother getting out and networking in person?

Related: Networking and Online Dating

Networking in person gives you, and everyone else, a chance to get to know each other better.  When you're present physically, you can do things like make eye contact and shake hands.  These things are actually pretty beneficial when you're building a relationship.  And it's more fun than sitting at home trying to make sure you're not getting orange cheese puff powder on your keyboard.  It is, I promise. Besides, there's frequently free snacks and drinks at networking events.  Although I don't suggest just hanging out at the snack table.

Here's what I do suggest;  

1.  Make sure you smile.  This doesn't mean plaster a creepy, plastic grin on your face and turn it on anyone who looks your direction.  Unless you're Wednesday Addams, this won't work for you.  Smile genuinely at other people while making eye contact and say hello.  Most people will respond in kind, especially at a networking event. And this opens the door to....

2.   Introducing yourself.  Once you've made that initial connection with your dazzling smile and brilliantly played hello, follow it up with "My name is....." and a handshake.  They'll automatically introduce themselves and you've got the conversation started.  It's just that easy.  

3.  Ask leading questions about the other person and listen to the answer.  Don't worry so much about what you're going to say next or jump right in with what you do.  Ask about them first, listen to what they have to say, and follow it with a question about what they just told you.  Encouraging someone to talk about themselves, and listening to what they say, is key to having people like you.  You'll make them feel special and that you value their time.  And once they like you, they're much more receptive to what you have to say.

Related:  Making a Great First Impression

4.  Get there on time or even a few minutes early.  If you're one of the first people to arrive you won't be met with an intimidating mass of people already grouped up in conversation.  Instead, you'll be able to position yourself as a greeter, meeting people as they come in.  And you'll have your choice of who to speak with.  Leave that awkward feeling of trying to break into a group to someone else.  



5.  And the most important tip of all, have fun.  Networking isn't boring if you put the focus on learning about other people rather than promoting yourself.  It also takes a lot of pressure off you.  Rather than trying to think of what to say to show everyone how great you are, you just have to ask a few questions and let them do the talking.  Which is really what makes people think you're awesome, anyway.  


I know it's a hassle to get showered, dressed and out in public.  Introducing yourself to, and having conversations with, strangers can be intimidating.  But the connections you make will be worth it.  People are much more likely to help and recommend someone they've met and spoken with in person. Besides, networking events have different snacks than you do at home.  At the very least it'll add some variety to your diet. 

Learn to Use LinkedIn Like a Pro in An Hour

After receiving requests from clients, friends and readers, we caved and decided to hold an in-person LinkedIn workshop.  And because many of you aren't local to the Ventura County area, we're scheduling an online workshop, as well.  And as soon as that's been finalized, we'll let you know.  But for now, if you're local and want to learn how to make LinkedIn work for you, please join us.  Not only will it be informative and fun, but we'll have cookies. And you don't want to miss the cookies.

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Planning Your Career

Having an actual career takes a little more effort than just getting a job.  Although, there's nothing wrong with having a job that pays the bills and lets you go do something else that you like.  I had a friend that was a semi-pro cyclist. His career was cycling but he still had a job to keep a roof over his head.  But for most of us, we want a career that allows us to grow, learn and take on greater responsibilities, all while getting paid more with each step. Unfortunately, that doesn't just happen because you start working.  It takes some planning and goal setting to get things moving in the right direction.  

Related:  Enhance Your Job Skills

The obvious first step is to get training in whatever it is you want to do.  That could mean earning a degree (or several), going to a trade school or obtaining a specific certification.  However, in today's competitive job market, the right training may not be enough.  Lately, even entry level jobs are requiring some experience.  And a great way to get that experience is through internships and the best time to start doing them is while you're still in school.  This gives you the experience potential employers are looking for, shows you're motivated to work in your chosen field, and demonstrates your work ethic.


Once you've landed that job in your chosen field you still need to be looking ahead.  Decide what your next position should be and start laying the groundwork to get there.  Start by learning everything you can in your current position.  Take part in any relevant training your employer offers, become an expert in your field, and continue to learn throughout your career.  Ask questions and show interest in the work and projects of your coworkers as well as your manager.  Besides learning a lot, showing interest in others encourages them to be interested in you.  And people are more willing to give helpful opportunities to other people they like.  

These methods still work!

Which brings us to the next step, networking.  Constantly work on building your network.  Talk to people, ask about them, and show interest in what they do.  Make genuine connections with other professionals in your industry and offer to help them whenever you can.  If you help people with introductions, leads on open positions, and helping them land an interview, they're going to help you when you're ready to make your next move.  You may not even have to ask. It's human nature to want to reciprocate when help has been given already.  This is absolutely the best way to find your next position, even if it's at another company.

Related:  Networking and Online Dating

Keep your resume and LinkedIn profile up to date.  If you get an award, accomplish a major goal or finish a project, make the updates right away. It's easier to do as they happen, while it's still fresh in your mind, than it is all at once years later while you're stressing about getting it done so you can apply for that great position that just came open.  Keep everything updated regularly and you'll always be prepared to act quickly should the perfect opportunity arise.

Your career is yours to create, build and direct.  No one else can do it for you and it won't happen by accident.  Make a plan, lay the groundwork and be prepared to act fast when an opportunity presents itself.  Don't let your career just happen to you, make it happen for you.

How to Have a Successful Interview - Be Prepared

Landing an interview takes a lot of work and patience.  They're hard to come by, nowadays. But just scheduling an interview doesn't mean the hard part is over.  There's still some work to do if you want the interview to be successful. Don't waste all your effort up to this point by not preparing for the interview.  You managed to get them interested enough to speak with you in person, so don't lose that momentum. Make sure you're ready for the interview so you make an outstanding impression that makes them interested enough to hire you.  The interview is not the point.  Getting a paycheck is the point.  So until they're offering you one, you have to keep up your effort.  But it's not that hard.  Here are a few of the steps you need to take.


First, if you haven't already, research the company.  Go to their website and read it thoroughly.  I mean every page. Seriously.  You never know when a bit of trivia you picked up on their site will come in handy.  Years ago I was being interviewed for a position I wasn't sure I was really qualified for.  I knew I could do it if I had the chance but I wasn't sure if my interviewer would see it that way.  Anyway, during the interview I mentioned some charity work that the company was involved in that I thought was particularly impressive.  My interviewer wasn't even aware of the program and asked me to explain what it was about.  The rest of my interview was taken with my enthusiastically explaining the program.  And they offered me the job.  So make sure you know about the company you're interviewing with.  Get as much information as you can and make note of details that you find interesting or outstanding.  Especially the ones that make you really want to work for that company, in particular.  Effectively communicating why you want to work there and showing enthusiasm is probably the best way to get a job offer.

Related: Find Out Which Companies Are Hiring

I know you see this piece of advice here quite a bit, but here it is again; Check out your online presence and make absolutely certain that it reflects you and your career in a professional manner.  Start with your LinkedIn profile.  Fill it out completely, including your summary.  Use proper grammar and spelling.  You'll kill any chances of an interview if your profile reads like your third grader niece wrote it for you.  If you don't have the writing skills or aren't sure what to do, hire a professional.  Next, Google yourself.  Because that's what your interviewer is going to do.  If you don't know how to minimize negative search results, you should know what they are and what other people are seeing.  At least then you won't be surprised when they ask.  Again, if you need help in that area, hire a professional.

And last, come prepared to talk about the actual job.  Have your career plan in mind.  Think about where you want your career to go and what type of responsibilities you'd like to acquire as time goes on.  Give some thought, before you're asked, as to what you'd like to accomplish in the position you're interviewing for.  That way, when they ask about the direction you see yourself going, you'll be able to give a well thought out, planned, answer.  In addition to a career plan, bring along questions to ask your interviewer.  When they ask you if you have any questions for them, "no, not really" is not an acceptable answer.  Research what you should be asking, and why and take some time to write it down in a small notebook.  Bring the notebook with you to the interview.  That way, when they ask for your questions you'll have them written down and easily accessible.  And making notes on their answers doesn't hurt, either.  That way if you have multiple interviews, it'll be easier to remember what happened at each when you're choosing between jobs.

Related: What Questions to Ask During Your Interview

Finding a job or new position is a job in itself.  Getting the interview is only part of the work you have to put in.  Being prepared before your interview is the best way to make a fantastic impression.  You'll come across as more knowledgeable, genuinely interested in working there and demonstrate your dedication to your career.  Even if you're not particularly interested in working there, because really, sometimes you just need a paycheck and you don't really care who it comes from. But you don't want them to know that.  They should think you're the answer to their problems.  And for a while, you can be.  You just have to get in, first.

Using Social Media in Your Job Search

We all know about Social Media.  It's hard not to at this point.  The big three...LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook, are all part of everyday life.  Even if you're not using all three, you're at least aware of what they are.  Or you should be, anyway, because they can mean a big difference in the amount of time it takes you to land that next job.  If you use Social Media as a job search and networking resource, you'll find better opportunities and grow your network faster and more effectively than ever before. You just need to know how to use it and which ones to use.

Related:  LinkedIn Basics

The most obvious place to start if you're looking to make a change in your career is LinkedIn.  Before you really start using it, make sure your profile is up to date, professional and well written.  This is the first place people will find you so be certain you're making the best first impression you can.  Once that's taken care of, you're ready to get out there.  On LinkedIn you can follow the companies you want to work for, join groups focused on areas you're interested in and find jobs listed that show how many people have already applied.  Following companies doesn't need much explanation.  Just search for the company's business page and click follow.  You'll get notifications on their updates, including job posts.  You can also see which of their employees are on LinkedIn.  You may even find people you know and having a person inside is the quickest way to a job.  Start following groups that focus on things like employment, job searching and whatever industry you happen to work in.  You'll find information on jobs, tips on how best to apply and make new connections in your field.  You can also apply for jobs directly from LinkedIn.  The best part about this is that when you read a job description it will tell you how many people have already applied.  If hundreds of people have applied, you know not to waste your time.  If you're not using LinkedIn to it's full potential, it's time to get started.

Another great place to get information on jobs, tips on your job search or advice on interviewing is Pinterest.  Now that they've started offering business accounts, more and more businesses are joining.  You can find follow companies in your industry and get an idea of what's important to them by what they're pinning to their boards.  This insight can help when crafting your cover letter to them as part of your application when they have an opening.  You can also follow companies that focus on career coaching and job placement.  They offer loads of advice on everything from interviewing and networking to dressing properly (and fashionably!) for your interview.  Pinterest isn't just for great recipes, anymore.  If you haven't yet, go check it out.  If you're wondering who to follow, take a look at our followers.  There are a lot of school alumni associations, employment agencies and career coaching services.

Related:  Twitter Basics 

The next best place to spend some quality social media time is on Twitter.  Again, you can follow companies you want to work for, career coaching professionals, and industry experts on any area you're interested in.  There are even employment agencies that will post job openings that aren't posted anywhere else.  This means there's less competition for the job and, more importantly, your resume will get in the hands of an actual person that is in a position to make a decision about who gets hired.  If you need ideas on who to follow, you can always subscribe to the Career Dragon lists.  Our lists are comprised of people and companies that tweet job openings and career advice.  Out of any Social Media platform, Twitter is the easiest to get in contact with people and start a conversation.  And once someone at the company you want to work for gets to know you a bit, you're much more likely to get an interview.

Social Media is not only a powerful resource in your career development, but a necessary one.  Anyone who is not using Social Media is at a disadvantage.  Many companies won't even interview someone without a LinkedIn profile and people who can't be found online are viewed as outdated and unable to keep up with today's career demands.  But it's not a bad thing, Social Media is fun.  Especially Pinterest.  Get started there when you have a little extra time.  You're going to get sucked in.  But you have a great excuse, it's all in the name of growing your career.